American Patrol

The unsettled Minnesota US Senate race between incumbent and notorious political windsock Norman "Bates" Coleman(D..no wait,R...whatever) and challenger Al "I'm Serious" Franken (D) entered a new phase of gratuitous trumped up controversy today when Coleman and his minions called into question the "large numbers of votes appearing for Franken," particularly in the traditionally Democratic Iron Range, implying that the race was being taken from them by fraud. Coleman had spent most of Wednesday declaring victory and making statements implying that the automatic recount required by state law was somehow a Franken initiative that should be abandoned for the good of the tax payers and "the healing process."

While your humble correspondent is willing to live with the process that is bound to resolve this eventually (particularly if the current trend holds), I have happened upon an idea that, if legally viable, could have the whole thing decided in much less time, much less expense, and far fewer lawyers than the recount/ lawsuit/ countersuit/ appeal process that seems inevitable at this point.

It goes like this: surely there are 300 Coleman voters out there (221 would do it at last count, but let's have a safety margin) who strongly regret having cast their ballots for a candidate whose every act since Wednesday morning reveals him to be a gratuitous political opportunist of the first water and a poster child for the sort of Rovian scumbaggery that we had hoped this election would end once and for all. If these folks can be found, and some legally binding way of recanting their votes can be devised, we could have this settled by Thanksgiving, easy.

Let the healing begin, Norm...

As a grizzled veteran of electoral disappointments dating back to the first Reagan term, it was with high spirits and a great deal of celebratory cocktail hoisting that I greeted last night's overwhelming victories by Barack Obama and the House and Senate Democratic contenders. About bloody time, folks. It is in that spirit that I'd like to offer the following message to any McCain supporters who may have happened upon this post by accident: HAHAHAHA!!! WELCOME TO THE PEOPLE'S REPUBLIC OF OBAMASTAN, BITCHES!!! WE'RE GONNA REDISTRIBUTE YOUR BOOJIE WHITE ASSES RIGHT DOWN TO THE BONE!!!! HAHAHAHA!!! SOYLENT GREEN IS YOU, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!

Christ, that was fun. Meanwhile, back in reality, amendments banning same sex marriage were passed in Arizona and Florida, and may have been passed in California; a large passel of particularly loathesome incumbents from both sides of the aisle have been returned to office; and the moonbat right, far from being shipped off to have their protein harvested, are warming up for a hate fest that is bound to make the most hideous moments of this campaign look reasoned and wholesome. Change may be coming, but it hasn't happened yet.

We are also about to find out the reason behind the old show biz adage about never following a dog act. There is shit ankle deep all over the national stage-- the continuation of our trumped up national war footing, an economic crisis the "bailout plan" for which looks for all the world like a particularly clever plot to pull off a final raid on the national coffers that will bankrupt the Obama government before it even gets sworn in, and a huge backlog of basic social and infrastructural needs that got ignored while Georgie Jr and company played cowboy. Not only does all of the above encourage a continuation of the "crisis management" style that got us in to this mess in the first place, it is likely to sap the political will necessary for such pressing projects as cleaning the shit off the Constitution and holding accountable those who have spent the last eight years wiping their asses with it.

Last night was inspiring, and carried within the seeds of what could be a great national renewal. I urge all of you who found it so to keep and nurture that feeling for as long as you can-- you'll need it, believe me. But I also caution any of you who may be thinking that we can now passively wait for our conquering hero to complete his project of national salvation to knock it off and get back to work. It was citizen involvement that made this happen, and it is only continued citizen involvement that will make it mean anything.