Partnership for an Idiot-Free America

Since we're on the subject.....

I know, it's rare, but I love people sometimes.

Yowza! I had a discussion with a colleague today. She's an honest woman, a devout woman and a woman going through a HELL of a time with her soon-to-be-ex-husband (classic abusive narcissist with booze and gambling problems)...'nough said.

Anyway, she was all excited today trying to explain to me how cool it was that her pastor told her about this "galaxy far, far away" (the Milky Way, PS) that was shot by the Hubble telescope and how it looked JUST LIKE JESUS! Natch, I had to come home and investigate with 'mine own eyes.'

Ummmm yeaaaah, here's your Jesus:

Interestingly, Hubble.org describes the image as follows:

Resembling a nightmarish beast rearing its head from a crimson sea, this monstrous object is actually an innocuous pillar of gas and dust. Called the Cone Nebula (NGC 2264) — so named because, in ground-based images, it has a conical shape — this giant pillar resides in a turbulent star-forming region.

I don't know, guys. One man's beast is another man's imaginary overlord I guess. I'll stick to shit that's a little more tangible, like this wee feller:

Yeah, just in case anybody needed to be reminded daily to pray, or pull some biblical quote out of their ass to annoy the rest of humanity, this one's for you:

Jesus, protect me from your followers!

Let us ponder, for a moment, the fabulosity of humanity...

Almost every waking moment I breathe air on this Earth, I've got my worn-out panties in a wad about some gluttonous shit-heel making life hell for the little guy for the sake keeping blood-oil in his Bummer Hummer and shutting the trap of his dumb bitch trophy-wife by filling her head with promises of diamonds and Botox injections.

You got your CEOs, the evil empire regime at 1600 Penn Avenue, their conglomerate of right-wing buddies (congressmen, lobbyists, whores Michele Bachmann), you've got your wack-job evangelicals trying to jab the lunacy of intelligent design down our kids' throats, the ass-buckets who keep stealing our car, and the life-threatening sperm-shooters who drive around in the Pontiac Grand-Ams with their microscopic gonads stuck in the gear-shaft, cell-phone and "these colors don't bleed" bumper stickers in-tow.

You might say I gots me a lots to whine about, no question, I cop. But then I take a look around and gasp in giddy delight, because there are people out there like the goob who concocted this masterpiece. Some dude with a big, awesomely geeked-out idea, who spent his time, not shitting on the wee-man, but making something truly outstanding, for fun and to make other people happy. Maybe he got the corporate hot-shots at Lucas to foot-the-bill, but who cares?

If you're asking me who I'd rather hang out with? Let's just say it's NOT the fuckstick sitting in a tight room who doesn't realize he's choking on his own repressed self-loathing.

Kudos to you, Balloon-Guy! May the fucking force be with all of us!

I fucking HATE Melinda Doolittle. This vid says it all.

Unless you've been under a rock lately, you all have heard about the shooting at Virginia Tech. A tragic series of events left 33 dead (including the killer) and 20+ more injured. If you are human you feel terrible about this event. The loss is obvious.

Let's move on to the bigger issues though.

First, do we REALLY need to see the circus side-show-freak videos of Cho Seung-Hui blaring from every news channel? The answer, IMHO, is no. The feeding frenzy of news reports giving this guy the infamy and attention he so clearly wanted is counter-productive. I personally don't want this kind of reporting to give more like Seung-Hui incentive for contributing to similar events. And before you get up my ass, I'm not saying we shouldn't cover stories like this, I'm just saying that we do so responsibly and respectfully. This type of sensational reporting brings big $$ and--the hub said it best--Americans LOVE to rubber-neck. That's exactly what this is. It's Anna Nicole Smith with guns.

Next, can we just talk for a minute about gun control? And before all you NRA-types have a seizure, sit down and shut up for a second. I'm not suggesting that we remove our right to bear arms. We have a right to guns--for hunting, for self-defense and, lord help us, a government run amok. But seriously, if a mental case with an anti-social personality disorder, a history of bizarre behavior and a record of institutionalization can get a semi-automatic weapon on E-Bay, don't you think we might have a problem?

While there is a centralized system (a sad excuse for one if you're asking me) for notifying gun dealers about a criminal record, there is no such centralized system to notify them of a record of mental institutionalization, especially if the would-be purchaser checked him/herself in willingly. Does anyone else find this scary? You need a Doctor to get a prescription for frigging penicillin, but any gun shop can authorize the purchase of a weapon? Ummmm, that's fucked up. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say the vast majority of adult, gun-related murders(not to include those in self-defense) are caused by someone with a little bit of a mental problem. On what planet do you live that you would NOT want a tighter grip on who can buy a gun and kill you?

We need to establish a national dialog here and start putting pressure on our legislators. There can be an effective compromise reached between the pro-gun-slingers and those of us who want to see a little more legislation about who gets them and under what process they can be acquired. Our rights do not have to be mutually exclusive.

I'm working like a fiend, so time is extremely limited. No blog entry, no vid of the day, but what I do have may save you hundreds of dollars.

We had a massively clogged drain in our washtub, preventing us from doing laundry, lest we wanted to flood our basement. We got a GREAT piece of advice from a colleague and I pass it on to you, free of charge, because I'm a patriotic American who cares about her fellow men & women-folk.

Ready, here it go:

Instead of Draino, instead of calling a $7,000,000 plumber, pour a shitload of bleach down your drain. Wait 1.5-2 hours. I did and I am clog-mother-fricken free!

You're welcome!

For my friends across the aisle....

This one from our pal, Pink (here with the Indigo Girls)

Here it is. Me and my fat, liberal, white, middle-class, 36 year-old, east-coast-reared bottom have climbed up the mountain--soap box-ready, megaphone in-tow, guns a-blazin' and swords drawn.

I'm done trying to be polite to you. I'm done trying to be respectful of your horse-shit opinions and suspect value-systems. I'm done giving you sorry, ill-informed ass-monkeys the benefit-of-the-doubt. I'm done not calling you names outright. I'm done not calling you on your complete ironic idiocy. In fact, the ONLY reason I give a flying fuck about your fate as a citizen of this country and a member of this global community is because your jackass and I are catastrophically and irrevocably joined at the proverbial hip (yeah, pun intended). Your complete, utter and absolute failures at thoughtfulness, foresight, critical thinking, logic and imagination have now become MY and everyone else's fucking problem.

How you are STILL a supporter of El Presidente and the fascist, evil empire that is his administration is completely beyond any fathomable academic reason. You are NOT a patriotic American (no matter how many American flags you fly), you are NOT a Christian (no matter how many fucking Christian fish you flash), you do NOT support our troops (no matter how many yellow ribbons you put on your fucking fossil-fuel-guzzling SUVs) and you are neither conscientious, well-educated, logical, or kind, nor are you enlightened, moral OR ethical.

I implore any one of you to give me ONE good reason...one well-crafted, thought-out, backed-up-by-actual-facts reason why you still stand behind the circus-side-show freak that is George W. Bush.

What fucking more do you need to know to change your feeble, pea-brains of a mind? What else do you have to see? What more evidence could possibly be provided to you? It's all there--factual, concrete datas galore! All you have to do is be able to fucking read! And if you're illiterate, well...there you go, I guess.

You are a menace to society and you know why? Because the most dangerous people on this good, green Earth are stupid people who don't know they are stupid.

Don't believe me? Then take a gander at Exhibit A. It's like looking in a mirror, ain't it huh?

I don't even know WHAT part of this is the scariest...

Quote of the day: "I'm glad I'm old because there's a revolution coming and I'm too old for this shit." ~Random Guy at Work

Question of the day: Should Don Imus have been fired?

A) On the one hand, we have this thing called the First Amendment. B)To what extent does a corporation have the right to punish those that speak about opinions, ideas or information that does not support their business, regardless of public approval for or against said opinions, ideas or information?

Talk amongst yourselves.

Feh Duh Jour: Why am I having such a hard time understanding why there was a 70+ car pileup on a major, Twin Cities artery, because there was snow and driving conditions were slick? Just in case anyone has forgotten. It's MINNESOTA!

That is all...

....if the shows you're frying your brain on aren't really the commercials for the random shit the corporate throngs are trying to get you to buy?

Just look at the escalation of product placement and oddly sponsored segments of your favorite TV programs. And what is WITH these feminine product ads.

I never feel more awesome and confident than when I have a wad of industrial cotton jammed in my beav.

Courtesy of this dude, Alan Becker.

Short and fun! Enjoy.

The Birkinator!

May this poor child grow up in peace....

While it's sweet that a bored-shitless, trent-quelque chose, Cable TV producer with too much fucking time on his hands wants to help posthumously pardon Jim Morrisson for flashing his Lizard King, dontcha think it would be nice to use that same energy to try and get us some of that fine, hot, habeas corpus back to the kids penned up at Gitmo?

I'm just sayin'...

May you be disturbed by your own amusement. Enjoy!

Courtesy of a bloke named "Cyriak."

It's nice to know that things are going so well. I mean, the Iraqi's welcome us with open arms and we are just mere inches from jamming democracy down their throats. They even seem to like it. Fuck the Democrats and all their crazy expectations and benchmarks, we don't need any more money. Mission Accompli, n'est pas!?

Ahh, I feel safer already...

Morgan Freeman narrates this incredible piece that shows you how little our bullshit really means...

And then Matt Groening takes it to a whole different level.

I love our fucking universe!

So a recent debate has cropped up whether or not it is important to teach the Bible in public schools, not as a vehicle for promoting Christianity, but as a tool to illuminate pupils as to the relevancy of its teachings as they relate to our own and global society.

I think this whole idea is freaking the hell out of people. Overworked educators fear resource deficits and requirements, not to mention the dangerous line of appearing to inject their own belief systems into the curriculum. Christian parents are up-in-arms about their Good Book being taught and critiqued in an academic context, and lawmakers-abound are wringing their hands worrying about the separation of church and state.

I, for one, think the whole idea is positively genius, provided that the content/history of the Bible is taught alongside a broader spectrum of the world's leading religions and theologies.

Historically, an environment of theological ignorance has produced nothing short of suffering; to include mass-imprisonment, torture and the slaying of the disbelievers-du jour. Christ himself was a victim, was he not?

Look at our own leadership. From Lincoln to Martin Luther King and the current psychotic and surreal puppet-show at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, the Bible has been invoked as a means to preside over our motives-no matter how good or evil-for everything from slavery and prayer in school, to the provocation of ill-inspired wars.

As an agnostic, I'm amazed..nay flabbergasted at the ignorance of many Christians with regard to their own history, both Biblical and the genesis (pun intended) of their various flocks. I'm in awe that anyone could agree to believe in something, especially one that is meant to shape their entire value system, without having done at least a cursory broad-brush of what else might be out there. I'm disgruntled and disenchanted that a mere waving of a book gives some people the impression they are enlightened beyond all others. I'm SHOCKED that children are being pigeon-holed into an ideology without being taught it comprehensively and further that they come to know little else.

I also apply this same argument to those around the world who preach and teach similarly, regardless of their respective faiths because, if you are connecting-the-dots like I am, you can see that it's all just fucking senseless, irresponsible stupidity.

Is it not inherently foolish to rear a society ill-educated about the majority value-systems of their nation? Is it not equally detrimental to deny the society an education on the majority value-systems of the world? How can we offer an opportunity for critical thinking about national and world events without a fundamental understanding of these drivers?

A while back there was a news story here about a bunch of kids who vandalized a local Hindu Temple, just weeks before it's grand opening, because they believed somehow that the congregation was riddled with Al Qaeda operatives ready to pounce on their luxurious, Scandaburban neighborhood.

Had these kids been taught better, they would know that a) Hinduism has as much to do with Islam as an Egg McMuffin has to do with the Eagle Nebula and b) that the overwhelming majority of everyday Muslims practicing their faith of Islam are not, in-fact, terrorists.

IMHO is imperative to our success as a society, nation and global community that our children are taught about world faiths in an academic context, in conjunction with such classes as government, civics and world and American history.

Perhaps then we can begin to shed our ignorance and make some headway into this crazy thing called Peace-on-Earth.

...It's not just for Christmas anymore.

I don't know who the hell made this. All I know is that I love them.

Enjoy!

Another fist-fight is brewing in Washington causing right-wing pundits to suggest that Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, may have committed a felony thanks to her recent fact-finding mission to Syria.

Here's the law:

The Logan Act makes it a felony and provides for a prison sentence of up to three years for any American, "without authority of the United States," to communicate with a foreign government in an effort to influence that government's behavior on any "disputes or controversies with the United States."

I'm not sure even I have an answer on this one. While she did have permission to go from the State Department, and while the trip seemed consistent with the findings determined by the Iraq Study Group, even I have to consider the fine line between fact-finding and diplomacy. Camp Bushy-pants sure as shit didn't want her to go.

If Pelosi indeed went on a fact-finding mission, which she suggested to the NY Times on her return trip home from the Middle East, then I think we're good and Cheney should shut his evil clap-trap. She isn't the first to have gone there, even in the last 10 days. Several republican reps went as well.

From the same article:

The tone of the complaints — particularly Vice President Dick Cheney’s public characterization of her visit as “bad behavior” — contrasts sharply with the administration’s silence about a similar trip to Damascus a week ago by Republican lawmakers, Representatives Frank R. Wolf of Virginia, Joe Pitts of Pennsylvania and Robert B. Aderholt of Alabama.

Nor was there much heard from the White House about a meeting that Representative Darrell Issa, a California Republican, had with Mr. Assad on Thursday, a day after Ms. Pelosi met with the Syrian president.

So here's the deal:

If, in-fact, we can find evidence that Pelosi broke the law, we need to pursue it. I personally don't want anyone from any camp overstepping the jurisdictions of their responsibilities/the law. As Democrats in this day-and-age, we need to be particularly mindful to do the right thing.

Having said that, I think Pelosi should be allowed to gain access to information that isn't being spoon-fed and cherry-picked by this administration. Why? Because I don't trust those biatches, that's frigging why. We need the Dems to have a set of balls and yes, push it a little bit more. If not, we're going to be regaled to the same horse-shit, half-baked, load-of-crap we've been swallowing for 7 years.

So ladies and gentlemen, the next time you are asked whether you spit or swallow, tell 'em the truth. You are a high class, sharp-shootin', sniper o' the spit!

Courtesy of my personal hero, Weird Al Yankovic. This is perhaps the most genius song parody of ALL-time!

PS. I swear I'm much cooler than I'm sounding right now.

Courtesy of Gnarls Barkley and his downright soulful groove-tune, Crazy. You can buy his album, St. Elsewhere here.

This is "mustn't miss" e-mail correspondence between an Army Recruitment Officer and a gay, black and proud male who received a solicitation from the US Military thanks to a resume' he had posted on CareerBuilder.com.

You may have to subscribe to the Chicago Tribs website to read it, but it's quick, painless and you can opt out of spam.

God I love the gays!

Try this shit, eeees good. Very, very good. Hands-down my new favorite grocery item of all-time!

Cans O' Curry

Look for it in your international aisles. We get ours at Cub Foods.

- Use the green for chicken & fish, or whatever else you might drink with white wine.
- Use the red for beef, pork & lamb, or whatever else you might drink with red wine.

Be forewarned, it's most definitely curry. Expect a wee kick. As a self-diagnosed pussy on the spicy-scale, I absolutely love it! It's got coconut milk, other really yummy flavors AND it's got a beautiful umami thing going on.

The other bonus? It makes you look like a fucking rock star when you make it for other people. Better still? It takes two second to prepare. Just brown whatever meat you are going to use first, then dump her on in with loads of whatever veggies you want (bok choy is nice, so is spinach, onions, etc). If you are making seafood, put the raw bits right in the pan with the curry. Easy-peasey.

Finally, cheat. Go to your local Chinese joint and pick up a large container of rice for an extra $1.50. No sense killing yourself and theirs is always better anyhow.

Click here to buy online and save a trip to the grocery store.

Enjoy heathens!

Okay, Okaaay! I know, another post about American Idol, but I am posed with yet another quandary.

See, no one really has been able to put their finger on why this talent-challenged twink has made it to the top 8 finalists. Some say it's his hair, some say it's the 13 year-old finger-bangers who think he's cute, others attribute his success to votefortheworst.com and others still blame it on Howard Stern and his minions. I'm personally at a loss.

Here's the quandary:

I've actually got a modicum of respect for the anti-establishment voters who are aiming to topple the corporate giant that is Idol. From the bird's-eye view, you've got this media machine that's sole purpose is to churn out pop-stars like Michelle Duggar squirts out Christians. Add to that the millions made in text-message votes, advertising, tours, albums..yadda, yadda, greed-soaked yadda and you've got yourself THE definition of an embarasment of riches. It's despicable when you consider the ego-bloated sperm-shooters at the end of the line, lapping up the luxury that's been bought on the backs of young hopefulls.

Now, if we dig through all that despicable heinousness and come down to the worm's-eye view of it all, we've got a bunch of kids with a dream..maybe not our dream, but a dream none-the-less.

Whoever is voting for Sanjya is an asshole. Far better talents, like Chris Sligh and Gina Glocksen, got kicked to the curb in favor of the floppy-haired mongrel and they didn't deserve it.

I know, life isn't fair, but it can't be if we go out of our way to make sure it isn't. I'm old-school. My papa always preached to do the right thing and in my opinion, voters are cheating the system and dashing the dreams of a bunch of kids who have every right to accept the terms presented by the machine in order to achieve their goals. Isn't that what we do everyday? We go to shitty jobs and deal with a shitty government so we can all just try to get somewhere? If some fucker punked me out of a job because it was going to amuse him and his friends, I'd be PISSED! And then I'd have to kill him. It's the same thing.

What's the solution then? I've actually got one. Sanjaya Malakar should acknowledge the reason he's hung in this long and spare the rest of the contestants an unfair fate by gracefully bowing out of the competition. He'd gain the respect of the audience, producers, judges and fellow crooners and be able to leave with his head held high and a morass of media attention to further himself wherever he wants to go.

As far as I'm concerned, the "Universe of Sanjaya" needs a hero. Maybe he'll finally grow a pair and do the right thing. I, for one, would appreciate it.

...this is a great song!

This one brought to you by Christina Aguliera, whom I normally despise.

I was going to go into a massive missive about Bush being so completely full of shit about his threats to veto Congress' bill on bench-marks, war-funding and the looming 'pull-out method', until I realized that good buddies, Keith Olbermann and Russ Feingold, already did.

This clip is long, but it's entirely worth it if you are still trying to wrap your heads around this blithering mess.

For the record, Countdown with Keith Olbermann on MSNBC is one of the greatest shows on television. It's smart, irreverent and downright loony, especially when he nominates the Worst Person in the World.

Check it out, fo' shizzle!

...courtesy of Patton Oswalt clipped from the Comedians of Comedy documentary.

No seriously! I can't think of anything more selfless and generous than being or becoming an organ donor. If you aren't one already, I encourage you to register.

For FAQs and registration information in Minnesota, click here.

If you are outside Minnesota and wish to consider being an organ donor, click here.

You can also usually register when you go to renew your driver's license.

Anyway, please consider it. Lives are in the balance as we speak.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by the currently unemployed wife of a chef.

Courtesy of Peter Bjorn & John

So MSNBC.com is reporting today that a student's work from the School of The Art Institute of Chicago may be offensive to some and has managed to freak out Barack Obama, who is now distancing himself from the piece.

The sculpture depicts Obama as Jesus and was inspired by all the preliminary buzz surrounding Barack's impending candidacy for president. The artist, David Cordero, states:

"All of this is a response to what I've been witnessing and hearing, this idea that Barack is sort of a potential savior that might come and absolve the country of all its sins," Cordero said. "In a lot of ways it's about caution in assigning all these inflated expectations on one individual, and expecting them to change something that many hands have shaped."

It seems from the dawn of time, art (whether books, paintings, sculpture or cinema) has scared the shit out of people, especially the government. A small trip back to the mid '90's in NYC says it all to me.

Rudy Giuliani went absolutely ape-shit over an exhibition at the Brooklyn Museum wherein a painting of the Virgin Mary was created by the artist, Chris Ofil, using elephant dung. He tried to cut the museum's funding and the museum wound up having to take him to Federal Court on first amendment violations, which they promptly won.

So what is it about art that gets people all in a lather? I'm really not sure. It could be that anyone expressing a different idea simply challenges your own (ego). It could be that no one really wants to admit there is an underbelly to all the rosy images and corporately-sponsored propaganda we are spoon-fed everyday (head-in-sand), or it could just be that people are ignorant, ill-informed morons who lack the drive to enlighten themselves and find the courage to be smarter.

Without the aesthetic information that art provides, we'd have a hell of a time figuring out who we were, as a local culture and as a global citizen. Art is a mirror, regardless of whether you are having a bad hair day.

In short, artists are witnesses to both society's amusements AND its secrets. Without art, we couldn't reflect accurately on our past or accurately document our present.

Where on Earth would we go if we couldn't manage to see from whence we came?

That is what's scary.

Can they just publish the results already, so we can get on with our lives!?

I'm voting Birkhead....

...not that I'm keeping track or anything.

If I hear one more right-wing sperm shooter complain about the left using this breach of power as an insidious sound-bite, I'm going to peel off their skin and stake them all to an ant hill.

Our judiciary system is being fucking compromised to serve the 'pleasure' of our president. What part of this don't these fuckwits (and half or citizens, for that matter) understand?

If our Attorney General and his minions are corrupted to carry out the law based on the current whims of this or any other president, we are all done for.

They have already abused the tenants of the Constitution, stripped our core rights of privacy, stolen our votes. and now our federal and state's judicial systems are being directed by the Oval Office? What more does this country need to prove to them we have fascism afoot?

America better wake the hell up.

Feh.

Rosie O'Donnell has done it again. She's got the right wing pundents' panties all in a bunch regarding some recent statements she made on 'The View.'

The two big ticket items in the conversation were about:
1) WTC Tower 7 and Rosie's Opinion that no building could have collapsed the way it did without the help of explosives, and;
2) That there may be a conspiracy about the British Soldiers being pawns in an attempt to incite a war with Iran.

To further fuel the right wing's fire, she made some statements on her blog, which tend to be over-the-top and dyslexic, even for me.

Here is what's so frigging funny to me: Joe Scarborough and friends are ACTUALLY calling for Rosie to either quit or be fired from The View because they think she's irresponsible and dangerous. They further go on to denounce Barbara Walter's credibility as a journalist and yadda, yadda, right-wing-yadda.

After perusing this clip from Scarborough Country, I rediscovered how much I'm confused about watching people not realizing their own irony. On the one-hand, I think THAT can be dangerous, on-the-other-hand, it's just empirically hilarious. Joe Scarborough's big-name contributor to his argument? Yeah, that'd be Danny Bonaduce. You know, this guy. What the flying fuck?

Regardless of my love/hate relationship with O'Donnell; The View has never purported to be a news show, it's a show with four windbags opining about current events. IMHO, if there's room for Bill O'REALLY?, Ann 'Nosferatu' Coulter, JugHead Scarborough and the rest...There is certainly room for a plump, lesbian, left-blazing comedienne.

Gimme a break.